standing still

*sigh* why did no-one warn me how self encompassing, rewarding, gut wrenching and wonderful becoming a mummy can be. My gorgeous daughter is growing so fast and i find myself constantly wracking my brains trying to find a way to be able to spend a day a week with her.

I feel like i have let her and am letting her down. This is not how i wanted it to be, how i imagined it to be. It cuts through me and pierces my heart everytime i leave her in the morning... she now cries when  i leave her at nursery and i feel my shoulders sag and my stomach lurches. It makes no odds that 5 mins later she is 'fine'..

I spend my day staring at her picture, i sprint to the train giddy with excitement at picking up my girlie.

It just wasnt meant to be this way ;-(

Reflecting..

I had such a lovely day yesterday. Aine and i met some mummies and babies from our tuesday afternoon post natal group. This time last year we were all new mummies! We sat in the park and talked and marvelled at how our babies have grown and what they do to make us laugh (and what we do to them!). It was so lovely.... for the first time in 16 months i feel at ease and happy..... i wont do on tuesday when im back at work!
Being with my girlie is hard, no doubt, but we spent some lovely time together yesterday. Its apparant  that a;; of us are finding it easier - we all look so much more relaxed LOL.

Good days :-)

It is hard seeing other mummies trying and succeeding to conceive their 2nd... very hard but i am pleased for the,....

A sunny day in paradise...

Havent posted for a while... in all honesty i am doing better which is good. Still have my down days but im getting through them. Next medication review 18/7...

I am off with my girlie today. God she is gorgeous! I stare at her picture all the time im not with her. It makes me smile and it makes me happy. Having her in my life is amazing - and very challenging and stressful!

Off out with some other mummies today, some mutual support!